


I Hope Your Husband Dies

by DarnItTumbleweed



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst No Happy Ending, Break Up, F/M, Heartbreak, Hurt No Comfort, Jealousy, Moving On, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28906998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarnItTumbleweed/pseuds/DarnItTumbleweed
Summary: Reid has no one to blame for himself for his breakup with Y/N. She's the one who got away. He wasn't ready to commit to her, not in the way she deserves. She deserved to be someone's future. What happens when Reid realizes she's his future, but it's too late?A song lyric fic for the Song "I Hope Your Husband Dies" by Amigo the Devil.
Relationships: Reader/Original Male Character, Spencer Reid/Reader
Kudos: 39





	I Hope Your Husband Dies

It’s been a year; one year…and Spencer Reid would like to say he’s forgotten all about you…but that would be a lie. How could he forget you? He’d always heard about the one who got away…you were his one. You got away and he had no one to blame but himself.

He had been surprised to see the rings on your finger…and he was even more surprised to see the man with his arm wrapped around you.

He stood aside watching you stand in Rossi’s living room chatting with Emily and JJ, catching up on the direction your life had taken after you’d left.

You’d been so close to them all at one point, before it had become too painful to remain in their lives. That pain was no longer evident in your eyes, not when you stared up at your new husband.

Reid felt his heart sink as he spotted you so easily sink against your husband’s arms. He snuggled just as closely to you it so clear that you shared an affectionate relationship.

Your husband was an attractive man. He had a certain boyish charm to him. His head was filled with soft curls and his smile was so sweet. He was just as tall as Reid. Reid could remember you once commenting that you always liked tall guys. He was intelligent too, not as intelligent as Reid…but not many people were as intelligent as Reid. He was successful in his career, hardworking and dedicated to his field. He was a veterinarian. You’d always loved animals, but Reid had always felt wary of getting a pet…especially with your schedules. Your husband’s hours weren’t as hectic as Reid’s had been, and he didn’t have to travel as much. He seemed like he was your type judging by what he’d overheard you mention about your first date…Reid hated that he even had to admit any of your husband’s positive qualities.

**_Trust me, I’m not jealous, I’m just hoping that he really messes up  
I’m not so much afraid of letting go as much as scared of giving up  
And all the distance that we’ve spent apart will never have to mean a thing  
Cause every mile I travelled was to find the perfect stone to fit your ring_ **

Reid could try to pretend that things had gone wrong between you and him due to his schedule…but that would be a lie. You’d been a member of the team…you had shared that same crazy schedule with him.

The distance hadn’t killed your love because you were right there by his side….or you had been by his side.

Now you stood by someone else’s side. Reid felt sick as he watched the man press a kiss to your temple the adoring look he gave you so clear for all to see. He stared at you as though you were the reason the sun rose every day.

**_And I, I  
Oh I, I  
Hope your husband dies  
I hope your husband dies_ **

**_Living in the moments hard when everything I want is in the past  
And now you’re with this asshole, you expect me to believe it’s going to last  
But when I had you near me I just couldn’t think of anything to say  
But now that I’m alone, I got the perfect things to tell you everyday_ **

You had been Reid’s once. It was hard to believe it had only been a year ago when your heart had belonged to him.

He had lost you though, and Reid knew he was the only one to blame.

He can still remember the words you said to him: “I just…I can’t do this anymore Spencer. I can’t sit here hoping one day you’ll love me the way I want.”

He’d argued of course his voice so desperate wanting so badly to understand why you were packing your bags. You were leaving him, why you were leaving. You were leaving him just like others had done. His abandonment issue were screaming that you were leaving him even though you knew that it would hurt him. “I do love you, of course I do. How can you say I don’t?”

You’d just given him a sad smile shaking your head your voice so soft. “You don’t love me like you love her though…I have to accept that, no matter how much it hurts.”

Reid cringed knowing just who _HER_ was. She was the ghost who haunted him, the one who had so captured his heart refusing to let it go even though she was no longer here among the living.

Maeve had left before he’d ever really gotten to have her…he’d lost her before she was really his.

He was still hers though…

You’d joined the team a few months after Maeve had passed…Reid had still been struggling then. He had still been so lost in grief. You’d been so kind; so sweet and lovely. You were so bright-eyed. Still so young and fresh out of the FBI Academy. You were so passionate and so filled with hope. How could anyone dislike someone so positive and so loving? It had taken him a while to warm up to you, but with time he’d learned to adore your presence. You’d been the friend he needed. You were so patient and so willing to be there for him when he was at his lowest.

Love had blossomed between you with time. The love you had for him was so pure, so sweet it almost took his breath away.

Things had been good…hadn’t they?

Reid knew the truth though…it was in the little things he occasionally said…little mentions of Maeve, little signs she still lived in his heart.

At first you hadn’t minded. He’d lost someone he’d loved. He still had the right to speak fondly of her…but it was the way he spoke about her. He spoke about her as though she was some sort of goddess, some sort of perfect being. He held her up on a pedestal.

It felt as though he didn’t place you on a pedestal…he didn’t speak of you the way he spoke of her.

You’d felt dumb at first…being jealous of a dead woman. You’d felt selfish and unkind and heartless…how could you be upset with him for mourning a lost love? What kind of monster were you to deny him the right to mourn her?

It stung though…when her birthday came, Reid disappeared to the cemetery to visit her. His mood took a downturn around that time. It took him a while to return to himself…but it was so obvious that there was always that sense of longing in him. He longed for the future he’d lost with Maeve.

It felt easy to feel as though he was so busy mourning the possibility of the life he’d lost with Maeve, that he didn’t focus on the life he could have with you.

You’d been with him for a little over two years and you’d been through so much together…you’d brought up marriage once or twice…the possibility of having a family. He didn’t seem to be as passionate about it as you’d hoped. Sure he said he wanted a future with you…but it didn’t feel as though he longed for a future with you.

It felt to you as though he didn’t dream of a life with you, not the way you did.

The final straw had been a few weeks ago. You’d gone to Rossi’s place after a tough case for a big meal and some downtime. Lots of alcohol had been had, Rossi always had the best wine and cocktails.

Maeve’s birthday had just passed, and Reid had still been feeling down. He’d missed the chance to go to the cemetery this year as you’d all been in Seattle on a case. You’d hoped that a nice night out would lift his spirits.

You’d overheard him speaking to JJ as you’d come back from the bathroom his voice so filled with pain. “I still miss her so much. She was my future, Maeve was supposed to be my future.”

It had taken only two sentences to break your heart.

You’d always tried to tell yourself that he loved you. You’d tried to tell yourself that he had room for both Maeve and you in his heart. His words to JJ had revealed the reality of it all though.

It felt as though he’d just settled on you. You would never live up to Maeve. He’d dreamed of a life with her and he’d gotten you.

You didn’t want to be something someone settled for.

So as much as it broke your heart, you had to accept the truth.

You deserved someone to love you the way he seemed to love Maeve.

You spoke as you gathered your bags. “I’ll send someone for the rest of my things.”

Reid had stood there speechless his heart sinking as he watched you.

You’d stared back at him silently begging him to do something, to do anything to prove to you that you were his future. He said nothing though. He stood there biting his bottom lip his brow furrowed as you turned to leave.

You sighed as your hand touched the doorknob deciding to just admit it outloud. “I deserve to be someone’s future Spencer. I thought that my future was with you, but it’s pretty clear you don’t feel the same way. I can’t sit around hoping you might want a future with me one day. I deserve more than that.”

Reid had watched you leave the more sensible part of his brain screaming that you were his future, just you. His feet had remained frozen in place though.

He should have followed you that night. He should have gone after you and dropped down to his knees in front of you. He should have begged you to give him a chance to prove to you that you were all he wanted, that you were the one he dreamed of growing old with.

He hadn’t done any of that though. He’d stood there in an empty apartment reflecting on where he’d gone wrong.

You’d not only left him, but you’d left the BAU too. You’d placed your transfer request in with Hotch not telling him exactly why you wanted to leave…he knew though…everyone knew.

Spencer wanted them to hate him, he wanted them to scream and yell and ask why he’d let you go. They wouldn’t though.

They just looked at him with such pity.

He knew exactly what they saw. They saw what he saw each time he caught a glimpse of his own reflection; a man who had let his future walk away from him because he was so busy fantasizing about a future with a woman who he’d never even met in person until the day he lost her.

He’d lost his future and it was too late now.

You were gone.

He’d wanted to call you a million times, but he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even know if you would want to hear anything he had to say.

So Reid had spent the past year learning to live without you. It didn’t feel like living though, not really.

When Reid had walked into the BAU earlier that week he’d had hope for the first time in a year. He’d overheard Emily speaking to JJ. “Yeah, I can’t believe I saw Y/N, it’s been so long. She looks so good. She’s changed so much, I almost didn’t recognize her at first. It wasn’t awkward like I thought it might be. She was so excited to see me. I can’t believe I ran into her at the Farmers Market of all places. She’s been in DC all this time. I couldn’t help myself, I had to invite her to Rossi’s this weekend. She seemed excited for the chance to catch up with everyone.”

Reid had listened his heart lifting. It was fate, he’d told himself. This was a sign that he could finally say the words he should have said to you a year ago when he’d watched you walk away.

Reid had walked into Rossi’s tonight so ready to approach you, to try his hardest to show you that you were his future. He’d been so ready to beg you to give him another chance.

It was so clear that it was too late though.

He felt his stomach turn as he listened to you speak recalling how you’d met your husband. “I was such a huge mess when we first met. I almost puked on his shoes. It was so humiliating, but he was so sweet. We hadn’t seen each other in years, so it was such a shock to see him. I was already freaking out about the cat and then I ran into someone I haven’t seen in years, and I was a wreck.”

Reid felt his heart ache as your husband spoke a chuckle leaving him. “To be fair she was absolutely within her right to almost puke. It was pretty disgusting and I see some pretty awful things, botflies can be nasty. For the record she is the sweetest. The second she brought that poor cat into the clinic I knew I had to do whatever it took to reconnect with the girl who’d been so worried over a stray sick cat.”

You gave your husband a sweet smile the words falling from you. “And I had to get to know the man who let me fret over a stray cat and didn’t mind me almost vomiting on him. When he asked me on a date I didn’t even have to think twice about saying yes. It felt like no time had passed between us even though we haven’t seen each other in so long…I mean he was friends with my older brother, so I was honestly shocked he even remembered me.”

Your husband was so fast to respond. “How could I forget her? It’s kind of funny I almost expected her to still be the mouthy sixteen year old I remembered meeting when her brother invited me over to eat dinner with his family. I spent so many Sunday nights with her family, it was hard to forget her. I was nineteen years old trying to figure my life out and here was this girl who seemed so confident and so sure of herself. She was still in high school and she knew exactly where she was going and what she was going to do with her life. She wasn’t afraid to say exactly what was on her mind. I always admired that about her, her drive and her fearlessness. We lost touch when she graduated high school and moved out of state to attend university. I felt like it was fate when she walked into the clinic that day. ”

You giggled at this shaking your head. “I was so mouthy. I think I even told you off. I was such a know-it-all. I cringe thinking about it now.”

“I probably deserved you telling me off.” Your husband agreed without any hesitation.

Reid hated the way Emily and JJ chuckled at this the two women watching you interact with your husband it so obvious how well you balanced one another out.

**_Cause I, I  
Oh I, I  
Hope your husband dies  
I hope your husband dies_ **

Reid felt his heart ache as Garcia approached you and spoke. “You said you just got married. Why wasn’t I invited to your wedding? I would have come.”

You spoke answering the question quick to soothe any hurt feelings. “I know, it was all honestly kind of a spontaneous thing. It just felt right. We reconnected and it was just so right. We were on vacation when he proposed and we kind of planned it quick. We couldn’t wait to be honest.”

Your husband continued the story. “I didn’t even have a ring when I proposed. We were sitting on the beach relaxing and the sun was setting. The view was so perfect, I just looked over at her and it hit me that she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I was terrified when I proposed. I thought she’d tell me it was too soon. Then she just kissed me, and I asked her if that was a yes. We just threw together a backyard wedding at my mom’s place. Our families put it all together for us. We wanted something small.”

You agreed chuckling as Garcia pulled your hand forward insisting on seeing the engagement ring and the wedding band that rested on your hand. “It was super small; we didn’t see the big fuss in throwing so much money at a wedding. It only took us two months to plan it out. I found a dress at a vintage shop and his mom altered it for me. We had the ceremony at his mom’s house and then we had the reception at a winery…my parents were pretty insistent that we have a fancy reception at least. We put more money into the reception and the honeymoon than the wedding ceremony itself.”

“I offered to give her a huge church wedding with anything she wanted, but she told me that she was marrying me for me, not for the wedding. Our wedding was small and pretty simple. Our families helped plan the whole thing, it was way less stressful than everyone told us it would be. Her mom took over planning the reception so all we had to do was say yes or no. It was the best day of my life. The honeymoon was perfect, we rented a cabin and just got away from everything.” Your husband explained.

Reid felt his heart sink as he watched you press your lips to your husband’s.

Reid felt his feet move wanting to get far away from this his heart cracking by the second.

He made his way outside standing at the balcony the night air cool, his hands gripped down onto the bannister his heart aching.

He wasn’t sure how long he stood there but he felt his breath hitch at your voice. “Hi Spencer.”

He turned to face you swallowing the lump developing in his throat at the sight of you.

Emily was right you had changed. Your hair was shorter and styled differently. You wore a pretty soft blue dress. He could remember you had always loved dresses and you hated that being on the field with the BAU meant you needed to wear something that would be easy to move in if needed. So your dresses had always been out of the question.

He spoke his voice trembling. “Hi Y/N.”

The two of you stood there in an awkward silence unsure of what to say or do.

You spoke your voice soft your arms crossing over yourself as though you were trying to soothe yourself. “I had a feeling I’d see you tonight.”

Reid nodded his head his voice just as soft. “Yeah, Rossi’s pretty insistent with those dinner invites.”

The awkward silence returned Reid being the one to break it the question leaving him. “Why did you put in a transfer with Hotch?”

You let out a soft sigh swaying in place a bit trying to do something with the anxiety spilling through you. “I-I had to leave. It hurt too much to stay. I loved my job, but I just…It hurt. I didn’t even stay with the white collar crimes division…I just wanted to change my surroundings. I resigned and started over.”

“You didn’t say goodbye…you didn’t say goodbye to anyone other than me.” Reid replied his brow furrowing his heart aching at the words _It hurt. He had caused that hurt._

You shook your head at this statement. “I knew if I said goodbye they’d talk me into staying. I-I knew I couldn’t stay.”

“You couldn’t stay because of me.” Reid clarified for you.

You closed your eyes a sigh leaving you. “Yes. You were their friend first. I guess…I guess I needed to find a life beyond you.”

Reid let out a shaky sigh his eyes feeling damp. He spoke needing to say the words. “I should have gone after you that night. I should have told you that you’re my future…you were my future…I guess it’s too late now.”

You opened your eyes the words that left you making the tears threatening to spill from Reid finally come. “It is. I…I’m pregnant Spencer.”

Reid felt his heart ache at the words. You’d always wanted kids.

He’d always thought he would be the one who had those kids with you.

“Are you happy?” Reid dared to ask the words spilling from him though he knew your answer would hurt him all the more.

“I am. Jamie is a great guy. He makes me really happy. I wasn’t looking for love when I came back into his life. I found it though. I told him everything on our first date…and he was so patient with me…He made falling in love with him feel so easy. I know it was fast…It just, it felt right. I never had any doubts, never any fears. He makes it feel impossible to be afraid. He’s so excited to be a dad. I’m a little scared about being a mom to be honest…but he insists I’m going to be great. I’m really happy.” You explained.

**_So trust me, I’m not jealous, I’m just hoping that he really fucks things up_  
I’m not so much afraid of being alone, just kind of feel I’ve had enough  
And time and time again, time reminds me you’ll never be my own  
We’ll never have a house to decorate, a place that we can call our home**

Reid felt his throat grow tight the words leaving him. “You deserve to be happy. He’s right. You will be a great mom. You always wanted kids.”

You parted your lips to reply but didn’t have a chance as Jamie walked outside his arm wrapping around you. Reid turned hiding his tears.

If Jamie noticed he didn’t mention it. He removed his jacket draping it over your shoulders so fast to speak. “It’s cold.”

You chuckled at this not helping but to tease him. “It’s not that cold. I’m just pregnant, I promise I won’t break due to a little cold air.”

“Hey, I’m being a paranoid dad-to-be , accept that it’s going to happen. I worry about you 24/7 now, it’s how it has to be and the second this kid gets here I’m going to have two people to fret over.” Jamie insisted pressing an adoring kiss to your temple.

You shook your head you voice soft. “I’ll be inside in a second. Be a good dad-to-be and go get me another one of those cheese pastry things before Luke eats them all.”

Jamie chuckled at this pressing a quick kiss to your lips the words falling from him. “Yes dear.”

You returned the kiss the sight making Reid’s heart tear all the more.

Reid watched Jamie walk away the words falling from him hating to admit it. “He’s a nice guy.”

“He is. He can be a real worrywart sometimes, but he means well. To be honest I think he’s going to drive himself crazy worrying about this kid, but it’s sweet.” You replied.

You paused taking a deep breath the tears in Reid’s eyes tugging at your heart strings. “I know things between us, they fell apart. It hurt a lot at the time. I did love you Spencer. I really did. We weren’t happy though. Not at the end. I knew I was just another person abandoning you…but I couldn’t stay, not when my heart was broken.”

Reid felt his stomach turn wanting to insist that you could have worked it out. You could have been happy again.

You spoke shaking your head. “You weren’t ready to move on from Maeve. I hated it. I felt so guilty for hating it, but it was the truth. I’m not angry though. I was angry at first…and hurt…but I don’t feel that way anymore. I wasn’t sure if I could ever be happy again when I left the BAU and you. I am though, I’m so happy.”

You paused taking a deep breath as you spoke. “I want that for you Spencer…I know it feels like I’m rubbing in how happy I am…I knew you’d be here when Emily invited me to come to Rossi’s…I just missed everyone. I just, I guess I want to have closure with everyone…I want us to have closure too. I don’t think we really got closure when I left. You’re right I left without saying goodbye. I just want to leave the right way this time. I do want you to be happy though Spencer. I told you I deserved to be someone’s future, but you deserve that too.”

Reid nodded his head his heart screaming at him that you were the only one who had made him happy.

He finally forced himself to look back at you the pleading look in your eyes making his heart ache all the more. He never could tell you no. “I know. I know, you’re right.”

You let out a soft sigh reaching out and giving his arm a squeeze Reid feeling his heart ache even more when your touch left him as soon as it came.

He watched you walk away heading back inside leaving him with his regrets.

He watched Jamie approach you through the window your husband’s arm once again encircling your waist.

Reid felt the words leave him though you weren’t here to hear them. “I wanted you to be my future.”

He took a deep breath knowing it was too late now.

You deserved to be happy….even if it was without him.

He turned his gaze away when Jamie pressed an adoring kiss to your lips.

He stared up at the night sky his voice so soft. “You were my future.”

It was too late.


End file.
